We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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