Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
