Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
