haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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