I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
