he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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