Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Actions speak louder than pants.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
