You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
