i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
