Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
