a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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