Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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