remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
