I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the condom got lost in my hair
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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