Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
