you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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