so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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