If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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