True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
