Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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