Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
