I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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