This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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