Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
