Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
