on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
