Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
