Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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