I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
