Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
