the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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