i always forget guys have bellybuttons
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
