my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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