the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
