He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You dont lie about slip and slides
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
