After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
