I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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