hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
