Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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