that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
