Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Small penises have feelings too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
