the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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