Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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