Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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