imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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