after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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