If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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