girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
