chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
