dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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