I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
