Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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