Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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