I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
