farters have to be the big spoon...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
